new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
