turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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