Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize