Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I think I died a long time ago.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
