Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
