It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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