I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize