Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
