I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
