You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize