Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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