You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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