I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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