i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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