Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
