I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
