Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
