dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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