My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
