on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
