1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
