I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
