Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I just googled if crying burns calories
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
