he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Randomize
