There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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