Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
