It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
