Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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