omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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