So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
