i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
