funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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