And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
