shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
