I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
