The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Randomize
