i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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