just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
