living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
