she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Randomize
