Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
