4 words: hood of his car
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
