My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
