I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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