why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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