Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize