Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
