So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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