people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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