that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize