a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
this is an emotional support booty call
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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