The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
