Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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