she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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