Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
