guys are only as good as the porn they watch
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
