Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
