dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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