We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
