I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
