i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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