i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
