dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
