so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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