just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
