walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
