Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
