HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
