Sry I called you an 8
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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