I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Why is there bacon in the couch?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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