Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I just pynch a tree in the face
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
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