Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
