Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
my liver is dry heaving
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Never underestimate the power of titties
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize