STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
