I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
